How To Be Miserable For The Rest Of Your Life
How to stay unhappy and ruin your life in 7 simple steps.
Have you ever wanted to be in a constant state of melancholy and sadness? Don’t worry, I got you!
Treat it as a guide on what not to do. Or to do—maybe that’s your life goal.
1. Avoid bonding and relationships
Lock yourself at home. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t text back.
Become a lone wolf focused on your grind. Not seeing anyone but yourself in the mirror will lead to long-distance physical and mental health improvement.
Decided you don’t want to become a hermit even despite all the benefits? Here are some tips on dealing with people!
Complain—the more, the better.
Never keep your word.
Don’t inform others that you have to cancel plans. Just don’t show up. Make others’ lives interesting with those little surprises—it will show them how unpredictable and eccentric you are.
Don't communicate directly. If you want to say something about someone, say it behind their back.
Make gossiping about other people’s lives your main source of entertainment. If they become successful, don’t ask them how they did it—envy and assign it to luck.
Never admit to being wrong.
Don’t meet new people.
2. Fu*k sleep
“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” ― Matthew Walker
Fu*k that bridge man. Make your life more eventful by becoming easily irritated and distracted.
Your prefrontal cortex will become more disconnected, flitting between two extremes. That’s good, rollercoasters are hella fun!
Make yourself more emotional and prone to making bad decisions.
Destroy your focus, memory, and impulse control.
Increase your risk of diseases.
3. Become a vampire
I already told you of the benefits of locking yourself indoors.
But there’s one more crucial thing to avoid—sunlight!
What do you want, skin cancer and wrinkles? Avoid sunlight. It will cut your serotonin and D3 levels for the extra dose of depression fuel.
If you absolutely need to go out for some reason, avoid any places where nature is present. Taking a walk in the park is just a dumb idea, go to a mall.
4. Never exercise
That’s just a waste of time. You can do so many other interesting things instead of lifting heavy objects like a caveman.
Why would you go for a run? Are you scared you will have to run from a tiger in the middle of the city?
Why would you swim, do you plan to jump off a boat? Even so—that’s why they invented life vests.
Seeing your body in good shape will require you to put effort into keeping it that way or you will feel bad. Do you want to feel bad? Are you stupid?
Don’t take care of yourself in general. Your self-respect will skyrocket and it will connect you to the primal version of yourself. The stinky you is the real you.
How about your environment, should you take care of it? Hell no! Your room is the second mirror in your house. Your close environment reflects who you really are.
5. Focus on the things you have no control over
And get pissed at them. It will make you feel relieved. Add finding excuses to that, they make a great combo!
The economy is bad, that’s why you are broke.
You are fat because of genetics.
You got late again because of traffic.
You will never afford that car because you are too stupid to acquire the skills needed to make that kind of money.
If something is out of your control and has no influence over your life—get mad at this!
6. Stay exactly where you are
Change is the only constant in life. That’s why you should avoid it at all costs.
If your daily routine makes you feel like shit, don’t try to change it. Enjoy your escape from reality into slowly dissolving comfort and little numbing pleasures.
Don’t get right to the task without thinking about it, what if you miss an important detail? What if… you will get a million-dollar idea delaying the task just for a few more minutes?
To make that scenario more likely—do something in the meantime. Scrolling social media sounds good to me. Remember—99% of doom-scrollers log off just before being served life-changing information.
If you are about to think about something anyway, think about all the bad experiences that happened to you. Dive deep into thoughts of them, remind yourself daily. Never let those thoughts go and live in the past, because things were better back then.
If something bad happened—it was because of you. If something good happened—it was because of luck.
7. Don’t control yourself
If you want to do something, it means it’s good for you. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t want to do it. Do you really think your brain is stupid enough to choose to eat hot Cheetos, play World of Warcraft, and drink beer before noon over long-term life satisfaction and fulfillment?
Life is fair, and there will be opportunities for you. The best way to attract them is inaction and following the previous steps to the dot.
Stay in the zone of your well-known and comfortable habits and environment.
Your dream partner will find you, your dream business will build itself along the way. You are not like anyone else, you are different and things will just come to you. You don’t need to change inputs to change outcomes.
Figuring out ways and possibilities is none of the necessities—make that your life motto and things will just work out.
Don’t plan, don’t analyze, don’t research, don’t try new things, and last but not least— don’t take action!
One day, you might wake up from a pleasant dream where your life was different, realize how much time you have wasted, and wonder whether you still have the power to turn things around. If that happens—don’t take action!
Here’s how I can help you:
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